Known Johnson

September 27, 2004

Welcome to the company

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tom @ 8:50 pm

When I wake up on weekday mornings for work, I’m tired, man, tired. I do my best to get my lunch ready, pack up whatever CDs I want for the day, eat some breakfast, and then get dressed. Of these tasks, the last one is probably the most important one to complete, and yet, somehow, numerous times I’ve walked out of the house, driven all the way to work, walked across the parking lot, up a flight of stairs and halfway through the building, into the breakroom where I find the soda machine is still jammed, back to my desk to write a note to leave on the soda machine, then out to the stairs where, as I look down to watch my step, I notice that, yes, sure enough, my zipper is down.

Giving the immediate area a quick, panicked surveyance, I will attempt a quick save if no one’s around. The moment I whip that zipper quickly up, the “vvviipppp” tears through the air. At this sound, I find there’s one woman sitting in the lobby of the building, who, due to my far too cursory glance I failed to notice, pops her head up from some papers in her lap.

There’s no mistaking the sound of a zipper, and I can only imagine the thoughts going through her head as she saw me descending the stairs, hand on crotch, the zipper’s resounding zing still hanging in the air. My only hope is that she’s simply visiting, or here for an interview for a job she will not get, and is not a new employee whose first encounter with the company is the pervert who likes to take it out on the stairs.

UPDATE: As luck would have it, I saw her again later in the day – she’s a new employee. I’m just going to pretend I don’t know why she glanced quickly away when I recognized her.



  1. Tom, Tom, Tom…you really have to stop exposing yourself at work, ya perv.

    Comment by Chris — September 29, 2004 @ 1:04 pm | Reply

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