Known Johnson

June 14, 2005

Agony of de feet*

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tom @ 10:59 pm

Maybe I’ve mentioned it here before, but I’m one of those rare individuals who is “special” enough to have a very rare trait genetically passed on and, probably, modified by nature. What do I have that most of you don’t have? Flat feet. Completely, totally, flat-as-a-board feet. My feet make a funky triangle footprint when they’re wet, and are so flat that they get suction on smooth surfaces – entertaining, yes, because I’m the only person I know whose feet can make fart noises. The problem, however, is that flat feet mean I have essentially no shock-absorption in my feet. My arches are stretched unnaturally flat, and each step exerts my full weight on both points on my foot from the big tendon that stretches from the heel to the ball of my foot. The result is pain, plain and simple. I used to be able to deal with it, but as I’ve gotten older and, I guess, more fragile, I’ve found that even short periods of walking or even just standing quickly become excruciating.

I’ve known for years that I need to see a foot doctor about getting some arch-support, but I’ve been putting it off. Why, I’m not really sure – fear of the expense, even with insurance coverage, and also because we attempted this when I was a kid and I know for sure that didn’t work out well. I’ve read things online that suggest the tactics doctors take with providing support for nonexistent arches has changed drastically, but still . . . it’s easier to ignore it.

Until recently, that is – the opening night of the U2 concert in San Diego, to be exact, when, after hours of standing around we got inside only to stand around some more. I have never felt foot pain like I felt that night, so bad I was nearly in tears – and not because the music was so emotionally moving. It was an unrelenting, stabbing, burning, unending nightmare of pain for hours. I swore to myself after that night that I would find a doctor and see about doing anything to make a simple thing like a concert a bearable event. And then I put it off, like I always do.

After spending a good amount of hours on my feet painting the nursery this weekend, I had yet another episode of extreme foot pain (which has managed to last a full two days as of this writing.) I gave in, checked out my insurance for a podiatrist, and made a call. Tomorrow, finally, after decades of foot pain, I’m getting some answers. And hopefully some relief, I assume, I mean, that’s what these guys are for, right? At this point, I’m ready to have the good doctor lop off both feet and give me prosthetics – at least then I won’t feel the pain in my feet anymore.

*Apologies for the really cliche’d title. It really is agony, however.

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