Known Johnson

December 16, 2005

Minus one ingredient

Filed under: General — Tom @ 9:27 pm

Let me be known that my wife’s husband is a moron.

The other day at work, I saw someone making a french-bread pizza in the microwave and thought “Wow, I haven’t had a french-bread pizza in forever.” That night, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up the usual necessities and the thought re-occured to me, with a prompt to head to the frozen-food section to seek out pizza-related items.

I quickly located the string of freezers and looked for the familiar french-bread pizza brand – Stouffer’s – but didn’t find it. I did, however, find “four cheese and garlic” french-bread pizza with the Red Baron stuff. “Garlic?” I wondered, as that seemed an unusual “topping,” but I grabbed a couple boxes anyway because nothing else was around that fit the bill. If anything, we could ward off vampires with the pizza.

Tonight we decided to give the french-bread pizza a try, so I heated up the oven and tossed the four pieces in. Twenty minutes later, the house awash in the thick aroma of garlic, we settled down to eat. The first bite revealed a very cheesy flavor. Extra cheesy, really. Wow, I thought, this is really cheesy pizza.

I got up to grab something when Alissa made a comment about the cheesiness of it, or, more accurately, the lack of sauce. In return, I said, “Yeah, I noticed that too. That’s what it is, there’s not much sauce to this.” Alissa then asked, “This is pizza, right? It seems like garlic cheese bread.”

I went to the recycling bin and pulled out the boxes. I scanned the top and sides and noticed what was missing – the vital word “pizza.” When I pointed this out, we needed a few minutes to compose ourselves. It’s hard to swallow food while you’re laughing hysterically, it seems. But, being hungry, tired, and needing to go out quickly while Amanda was quiet, we decided to carry on with the french bread non-pizza. Our dinner was an appetizer. That’s right, our entire dinner consisted of garlic cheese bread. Please refer to the first sentence of this post for closure.

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