Known Johnson

June 4, 2007

Various and sundry: May 29 – June 4 (The “late” edition)

Filed under: Various and Sundry — Tom @ 11:06 pm

A vacation from vacation I’ve come away from my vacation needing a vacation. I did too many things that left me too tired, very little of it involving the rest I was hoping to get.

Best laid plans Along with the above, I’d planned to significantly revamp the sites while taking some time off, but as you can see, nothing has changed. I’d also planned to catch up on some music reviews that I’ve been neglecting, but, again . . . Time is slipping away from me every chance it gets. I’m more than slightly annoyed at this.

A case of the Mondays Maybe it’s just having to go back to work today after 9 days off, but I’m seriously blah today.

Hell or Texas One of my little tasks while off was to trim back some plants that have gone out of control. “Uncontained trash pickup” is this week, an event that occurs once every quarter, so I had to hurry to do get the stuff that the winter freeze killed off trimmed up and out to the curb. While doing so, I took the saw blade to my least favorite plant in the whole world right now: the Texas Ebony tree. When we did our front yard, this seemed like a great choice – a very hardy plant for soil that doesn’t get a lot of water or attention. What I didn’t realize is that it grows like a mofo and is covered in long, sharp spines, making the damned thing nearly impossible to prune unless you wear gloves made of steel. I’m telling you, this thing is awful. One time when attempting to trim some of its branches, which, by the way, so inconveniently like to point toward the ground, I moved one way and a branch shot between my glasses and my eye lid, narrowly escaping poking my eye out. I’m convinced that this horrible tree is actually a product of Satan. I’ve so badly wanted to just light the damned thing on fire but I know, as a minion of Satan, that it would just enjoy it and would thrive on it. Well, this week, I found a way under the canopy of this horrible beast-tree’s spiny branches and thrashed at it for a while, reducing it to about 1/3 of its original size. I dragged the long branches to the curb by hooking them in the saw’s triangular frame and pulling them so I wouldn’t need to actually touch anything. It worked, for the most part. I only got stabbed a few times in the gloves and only found one thick, 1/4″ long barb standing straight out of my leg in the shower a half-hour later. I wondered why my leg was hurting so much.

It’s not/it’s snot After making spaghetti for dinner last week, with the usual dinner entertainment provided by Amanda, who entertains herself just as much as she entertains us, we found her particularly stuffed-up in the nose department. A couple of sneezes revealed a large lump of nose-matter that disappeared as quickly as it popped out of her nose, so we were unable to wipe it away. A while later, just before bed, however, she heaved and shot out a big sneeze that resulted in an unavoidable nasal explosion. I grabbed for her and proceeded to wipe while she squirmed. When I pulled the wipe away I realized what we’d been seeing wasn’t the typical product of her nose. No, this was something different. It only took a moment to realize what it was – small, white, about 3/4″ long, 1/16″ diameter . . . “Oh, nasty! This is spaghetti!” What’s more, a couple days later, Amanda again displayed the same unproductive sneezing behavior, but I didn’t think much of it. I just grabbed a wipe and cleaned up, pulling a bit at something hanging on the edge of a nostril. What do you know but a good 2″ piece of spaghetti emerged, glistening with her own special marinara sauce that it simmered in for well over two days. And then it wrapped itself around my fingers. That’s what it’s like being a parent, for those of you without kids. Keep that in mind.


Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: