Known Johnson

January 10, 2008

Frickin’ “lasers”

Filed under: General — Tom @ 12:10 pm

How was it decided that laser guns needed to make the “poo” sound? You know, real guns make a relatively real sound, albeit completely altered for dramatic effect. No one knows what a laser gun would sound like because they don’t really exist, and probably wouldn’t actually make a sound anyway, being light and all. I mean, what sound does your lamp make? Exactly.

I can only imagine this was the subject of discussion at some committee meeting for the first film or TV show that featured the sound of a laser gun . . .

Excerpt of the minutes of the Laser Gun Sound Meeting

“It can’t just be silent, that’s no fun. We have to give people something memorable, and, more importantly, something kids would want to buy in a toy.”
“How about it just go ‘bang’ like regular guns?”
“Because it’s not a regular gun, duh. And what would be banging, anyway? It’s electricity.”
(various sounds of small talk)
“Maybe it could just go ‘zap,’ like in cartoons when someone touches a bare wire.”
“No.”
“What about ‘zang!'”
“Zang?”
“You know, ‘zap’ and ‘bang’ combined.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Uh, I had an idea, sir. I was thinking . . . maybe it could go ‘poo.'”
(silence)
“I’m sorry, did you say that the gun could go poo?”
“No! Not poo, like taking a dump, I mean . . . ‘poo! poo!’ You know? ‘Poo! poo!'”
“I don’t know . . . ”
“Think about it. It wouldn’t be like us saying the sound, it would be all . . . electronical and space-age sounding. Made by computers!”
“Hmm, yes. Okay. ‘Poo! Poo!’ Okay, I like it. Let’s run with it. Speaking of computers, we’re all going to need to meet about how to show what computer users encounter on the screen. We can’t have people just looking at text. That’s not going to look realistic to viewers. Let’s think about lots of moving and flashing things . . .”

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