Known Johnson

January 21, 2008

How will the wolf survive?

Filed under: General,Migraine — Tom @ 10:24 pm

Last night? Not so good. Today? Very nice.

I awoke in the middle of the night with what was clearly the beginning of a migraine. It is not a pleasant way to wake up – flashing “lights” in my vision, lights that don’t actually exist, and a panicky feeling of being out of control. There’s no pain, yet, at least. I hopped out of bed and grabbed for my Maxalt, hoping it would sufficiently snuff out the migraine before it could begin. This is the first time I’ve used this in a long, long time.

For a while, I sat and watched the light show. I tried to simply enjoy it – I’m basically getting for free what those who love psychedelic drugs pay good money for, so why not? But it’s really not all that fun – there are other weird things going on in the brain at that time and it’s just not very sensible. I don’t really recall anything at the moment, I just know that everything’s a bit confusing and, really, it’s best to just be by myself – so, in a way, the middle of the night is a good time and bed is a good place to be.

I eventually drifted off to sleep with some odd feelings going on, not really pain – and I can’t really explain this to those who don’t suffer the kind of migraines I do. I’ll try, however. I don’t necessarily get the crushing, horrible pain all the time. What I get is kind of like everything else but that. Confusion, irritation, light and sound sensitivity, and a whole host of other odd things. It’s not mild, either. It’s horrible. There’s a headache, all right, but it’s always not the kind that I’ve had where I absolutely have to be in the dark, away from sound, away from light, people, etc. It’s just extremely, extremely unpleasant. See? I told you this wasn’t going to make sense. Just trust me.

I woke with startle about 4:30 am and there it was, this strange, deep blue shape in front of me, just a blob, almost three-dimensional, very murky, with “edges” here and there in very sharp, distinct colors, like it was over-exposed. It just floated there and merged with the darkness and then reappeared in bits, some parts of it “buzzing” with color. It was at this point that I decided I simply had to get up. Laying in bed like this kind of freaked me out. After a bit, the blob was gone, and I felt okay, and, in fact, sleep was calling to me, so I crawled back in bed.

When I awoke, yep, there it was – the awful confusion I spoke about above. I don’t know what brought this one, but this is easily one of the worst ways to wake up. It starts the day in a bad way, which was really disappointing as I was home with Amanda today and really wanted to be able to have fun with her today.

And, luckily, within a few hours this morning, things really subsided and Amanda and I had fun. We hit up Borders where I took advantage of a 40% off CD sale while picking her up a Thomas the Tank Engine book, then stopped at an odd toystore that is closing and got something for her train set. It was a day of playing, and I was as bummed as she was when she needed a nap. I wish I could let insistence drive me like it drives her, but I knew that despite her claims, she really was tired, and the fact that she was sound asleep in 15 minutes proved it. That gave me some time to get some much-needed box-destroying done for the recycling, rip some CDs (at which point my CD drive died – sigh) and relax a bit.

For a rough start, it didn’t turn out so bad. I just wish I wasn’t so damned tired right now.

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