I was reading Robert Fripp’s latest diary entry, which isn’t the point, but read it if you’d like, and at the bottom of the page, as always, was one of his many aphorisms. Some I like, some I never understand, and some are particularly fitting. This particular moment’s was “relaxation is never accidental.” Sometimes it’s not even restful.
I am only coming through in waves here. For a while, I posted every day, trying as I might to take part in Blog365, and then I fell off, stumbled along at an acceptable rate, and then, recently, I just dropped off the face of the written earth all together. It happens. I balance what I can, and when the improper balance of real world to electronic world starts to happen, I do what I can. The sacrifice is typically here. There are even times when I think “why am I doing this at all anymore?” I don’t have an answer for that, and I don’t know if the lack of answer is a sign or just me being exhausted.
I leave work, I go home, I play with Amanda, I make dinner, and when Alissa gets home, the three of us eat dinner. Amanda goes to bed not too long after that, and then I will spend some time ripping CDs for Itunes or figuring out what needs to be on my Ipod, whatever, and then I watch some TV, and then it’s bed. It’s a full life, it’s very busy, much busier than it should be. It’s not glamorous, maybe, but it works. There should be more space between “eat dinner” and “bed” yet there unfortunately is not. I don’t like that, I think Amanda gets shortchanged. It really bothers me, in fact. All three of us get shortchanged. I’ll never understand how we evolved into creatures that can justify spending 8-9 hours a day in little boxes, staring at lighted screens, with even more time spent in little moving boxes between places, and seemingly happily give up time with family. Some people are thrilled to give up a lot more than that. I’ll never get it.
So, to that end, I’m trying to plan, again, a vacation for this summer, something that just didn’t seem to be in the cards not too long ago due to logistics. Sometimes you just have to make things happen – “relaxation is never accidental,” and it’s often not cheap, but I’m going to put some work into making it happen. Getting away from this, and the house, and work, especially, for a week, is not just something nice, but necessary.