Well, there goes my plan to use Wendy’s Kids Meals as a learning tool for Amanda.
September 26, 2008
August 8, 2008
In Phoenix on May 24, 2008:
At Hard Rock Calling, June 29, 2008:
And last night at The Police’s “final concert ever” (maybe, we’ll see):
Andy, please, for the love of God, STOP with that shirt.
August 7, 2008
This is one of those posts that goes into slightly dangerous territory. I promise to keep it as safe as possible.
Imagine the scene: walk into the restroom and there, on the ground, at the edge of the stall, is a package of no-name wet-wipes. And that’s a little weird. As soon as I enter, a hand reaches down and grabs the package away – they’re clearly the dude-in-the-stall’s wipes. Okay. That’s a little weird. And he proceeds to use them. That’s a little weird. Don’t paint me as some behind-the-times guy. I get it, some people’s . . . areas . . . are more sensitive and need pampering. I’ve seen the commercials with the creepy crapping Charmin cartoon bears*. They don’t like rough toilet paper, and neither does this guy. It’s still weird. He still has to carry this big, fat block of wet wipes back to his cube. I ran scenarios through my head of running into people on his way. I couldn’t come up with any that weren’t humiliating for Wet Wiper. There’s just no not-weird way to explain carrying around a package of those in your office building.
Strange inefficiency on his part: he left the stall and washed his hands. “Dude,” I thought, “You’ve got wet-wipes right there. You don’t even need to wash ’em.” But I applaud his washing efforts nonetheless. In world where many don’t bother, it’s nice that he doubles the effort.
*Have you seen the latest one where they extol the non-shredding virtues of Charmin, and illustrate this by showing a bear with little wads of toilet paper stuck all over his big fat butt? It’s kind of the world’s view of America all rolled into one tiny 30-second commercial. All of our issues are right there in this commercial – we have no class, we have no boundaries, and we have no ethics. I know we can argue those points, but it’s impossible when we’re sending things like that out across the world and, frighteningly, out into space where, someday, who knows when, intelligent life may intercept those commercials and make judgments about us. What would you think you’d encountered if you found a species of life form that broadcast things like this to the universe?
May 8, 2008
I honestly don’t know how people spend so much time on the internet if they’re not looking up stuff about music.
April 15, 2008
Does it boggle anyone else’s mind that we actually have to provide an envelope and a stamp in order to get our taxes mailed to the same government that they all work for in the first place? Wouldn’t it make more sense to just wave the stamp fee on tax documents to ensure that taxes get paid on time? I’ve never understood this. The Unites States Postal Service is a part of the government. The Internal Revenue Service is a part of the government. It seems sensible to me that the USPS would understand that an envelope addressed to the IRS would benefit everyone under that big government umbrella, so the stamp would be unnecessary. Or maybe it’s just me being highly logical. This is, after all, the government we’re talking about here.
Bonus sentence: hooray for a year in which we don’t owe anything and in fact will be getting a big fat return for once, on top of that pointless “economic stimulus payment” in a couple months.
March 26, 2008
You don’t just pull up to a red light and start clapping. (Wait – right? You don’t, do you?) I saw a lady do that today. Just pulled up, alone in her SUV, and started clapping – entirely nonchalantly, as if she was at a show and something just ended. No phone, no companions, no expression on her face – nothing to explain the clapping.
I’m not entirely convinced that “the Pips” isn’t some disease that Gladys Knight had at some point early in her career and she named her backup singers that to cover it up when someone overheard her before a show.
“You’ve got the pips? Is it communicable?”
“No! No, what I mean is . . . I’ve got this group that sings behind me, see, and they’re called the Pips!”
“It still sounds like it’s going to need a shot.”
Looking back in the little “child mirror” I have mounted to my truck’s rear-view mirror (handiest device ever, by the way,) I saw Amanda putting her fingers to her nose. Not in it, just up to it. After a couple of instances of this, I asked her what she was doing, adding, “Are you smelling your fingers?” and she replied, very matter of factly, “No, I’m just scratching my finger.” I could only shake my head – there’s only so much sense you can make of what kids are doing half the time. A moment later, she exclaimed, “Hey, my fingers don’t smell!”
March 12, 2008
Sometimes you don’t. But I don’t like those candy bars with the coconut in them, and I’m not a big fan of almonds, either, so where does that leave me?
February 20, 2008
Why would someone put a Tivo sticker on their car? This branches off of my deep-seated need to know why anyone puts any sticker on their car, but I understand the need to show that you belong to groups. Favorite band stickers show solidarity with the kind of people who pick the kind of music you like. That I get, obviously being the music freak I am. I just don’t partake. Political stickers bother me because they’re topical and timely and as such they age rapidly, but they do have the benefit of making it easy to determine the way someone thinks without even actually looking at them. Most humorous stickers are funny the very first time you see them (granted, if at all funny), and then they stick around (literally) for ages before fading from the sunlight. The stickers, even the humor-intent ones, bond people in ways that would never be possible in passing cars. But Tivo? What are you saying with that? “I record shows to watch later”?